Aside from an absolutely stellar half-page advertisement on page 59, the new issue of Cemetery Dance magazine contains a fascinating — albeit what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-him — interview with Ray Bradbury.  It’s only one page, though, and only covers the legendary science fiction author’s thoughts on one topic, and it appears to be excerpted from a longer piece.

Subtitled “We Have Too Many Inventions!” the article is still remarkable in many respects.  The most noteworthy is that nowhere does Bradbury reveal his thoughts on Rachel Blooms’s music video, “Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury,” and whether he took her up on her offer.  No, it’s solely about his opinions on eBooks.  You would think that a science fiction writer would be especially forward-thinking on anything having to do with the blossoming of new technology.

Here, the 91-year-old author lapses into curmudgeonry when asked if eBooks are the future of reading.

Ray Bradbury: Absolutely not.  Three different groups have called me during the last three weeks.  I had another offer last week from a big company back East.  But my response was, “Prick up your ears, and go to hell.”  That was my response.

You see, Bradbury explains, eBooks don’t smell good.  Sure, they’re good for looking at “a lot of books in a single day,” but they’re not a link to history, like printed books are.

This is a classic example of an older generation’s failure to adjust to a new technology.  I expect that when I’m Bradbury’s age, I’ll have a similar problem with virtual reality mind melds or whatever my grandchildren are doing.  I’m already having to defer to others when it comes to operating my home theater.

Still, I think Bradbury and others like him are off base.  Sure, printed books have their place in our culture and across the entire lower story of my house, and I agree with him that they always will.  But from my limited experience with my wife’s Kindle, I have to admit I sure like reading on it.  So far, I’ve used it to read a couple Charlaine Harris novels, plus Suzanne Collins’s wonderful The Hunger Games trilogy, and I’ve proofread the eBook editions of my own Blood Born and Eyes Everywhere.

Does the Kindle give me the same tactile and olfactory experience as Earthling Publications’ signed, limited, slipcased The Very Best of Best New Horror?  No, but that book is also a doorstop.  When I’m following my two year old from room to room, cleaning smeared Play Doh off furniture, I would rather have a lightweight e-reader in my hand.  Not only that, but — bonus! — I can enlarge the text to give my pre-myopic eyes a rest.  Turning pages is as easy as the flick of a button, and unfortunately for impulse control, so is buying new books.

Part of the disconnect here is that all printed books are being conflated with collectible books.  Signed, limited editions on high-quality paper with leather bindings and slipcases and other cool things like artist remarques have their place.  I’m not knocking them or the people who collect them.  But just because some books are as valuable for their packaging as they are for their content, it doesn’t follow that all books not on paper are worthless.

To me, a book is only a vessel for what it contains.  The story, the information, and the resultant telepathy with the author are what makes a book special and not the paper it’s printed on.  So it’s disappointing that someone who has spoken as eloquently as Ray Bradbury has about the zen of storytelling doesn’t feel the same way.

Continuing in the tradition of the Larry King-esque mental burps I followed last year at about this time, I offer for your consideration a list of 2012 agenda items:

1. Eyes Everywhere will soon be re-released as an eBook from HW Press. In re-proofing the book after a five-year hiatus, I had several strange emotional reactions. The strongest was how very sad the story is, a reflection brought on by actually being a father now and not just a writer writing about one. How did I get through it?
2. The premiere of my stage play, Pirate Appreciation Day, is on course for late February. I’ve been sitting in on the Waynesboro Players’ rehearsals, watching in pleasure and amazement as director Caleb Towns guides the cast in their efforts to bring my words to life. As always when something of mine is produced (previously my stuff has been put on by the Wayne Theater Alliance and Darkstone Entertainment), it’s fascinating to witness the imagination and improvisations that other people bring to the story. I’ve been taking notes on what changes the actors and director have been coming up with, because I think that it will make the play better in a future draft.
3. I’ve been doing my best to be a good citizen of ole’ Staunton, Virginia.  Last month, instead of just giving in to my impulse to murder the Rottweilers down the street who menaced me on my morning jog, I petitioned the City Council to pass a leash-or-confinement ordinance. The idea is to prevent unleashed dogs from leaving their property to, say, bite the face off my son the next time I walk down the street with him in a stroller. The city manager actually emailed me back this week and said the mayor has asked him to study the issue. And last night, on my way home, I called in a car accident that I witnessed and even stuck around to give a statement to the police. Shit, I may even vote this year, if only to keep the religious nut jobs out of office. (Speaking of religion, what was with all the weird Santa-worshipping-at-the-manger artwork that circulated on Facebook a few weeks ago? But I digress.)
4. My greatest strength and joy every day remains my family. I’m thankful to have a wonderful and understanding wife, who continues to employ me in a successful website design business that gives me the time to write. I take daily pleasure in watching the (daily) changes of my sons, Owen and Thomas, one of whom will probably be out of diapers this year, and the other who will be happy when he can roll over.

Stay tuned!

This weekend, my family have been visiting with some dear friends to celebrate a birthday. They’re lesbians and last year were married in one of the states that recognize gay marriage. Recently, they successfully conceived through artificial insemination, and they’re expecting their first child next year. Deena and I think it’s great and have promised to pass on a bunch of baby clothes if it’s a boy.

They’re a wonderful couple. Considerate, caring, intelligent. They hold down full time jobs in DC, and they own a house. They’re full of all the same new-parent worries that Deena and I had while she was pregnant with our first child.

I wish the current batch of presidential candidates — particularly the Republicans — could have the same friends I do. I wish they would spend five minutes to watch Zach Wahls’s speech to Iowa legislators about his experience as the son of a gay couple.

Some of the rhetoric in opposition to gay marriage invokes children as the reason. They say children are better off with parents consisting of “one man, one woman.” I would like to ask them why they believe that is so. If the reason is founded in the inherent hostility such a child may face on account of his/her parents, then that is something we can change.

The gay people I know are just like me. They have the same goals and aspirations, and they deserve to be fulfilled in life, just as I do.

I wish my nation felt the same way.