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Archive for August, 2009

The First Grade Genius

Friday, August 21st, 2009

My six-year-old nephew, Dorian, is a genius. Last weekend, while meeting his cousin Owen for the first time, he spotted a flyer I’d left on the coffee table. It was an invitation to a neighborhood block party scheduled for the same day Owen was born, so naturally we hadn’t made it.

“What’s that?” Dorian asked me.

“Why don’t you read it?”

So, he picked it up, and in about ten seconds flat, read the whole thing. Out loud. Without hesitating.

Well, okay, he slowed on the word “neighborhood,” but that was only because he had to sound it out. Correctly, I might add.

I haven’t been able to talk right this week because my jaw is still lying on the floor.

At age six, Dorian has the reading prowess of a fifth grader. And what’s more, he has the reading performance skill of an adult. When I asked his parents their secret, they revealed that they’ve read to him every day of his life, and lately they’ve had him read back to them.

It’s just unbelievable — and oh, so inspiring. Here I am, with a newborn in my house. Owen is already filling his brain with knowledge (and his diapers with poop). And there Dorian is, already perfectly literate on the week he starts the first grade. What an enviable position my inlaws have: to be raising a son whose greatest scholastic danger is not that he will be ever become stupid, but that he will become bored.

Contrast this reading prodigy against many other children slogging their way through public school today. They’re stupid because they come from stupid households. They can’t read, they can’t draw, they can’t talk, and they have no emotional control, all because they have parents who don’t give a shit. They have parents who put them on the school bus in the morning with the attitude that their children’s education is somebody else’s problem. I know this because I’ve met these children and spent months sharing lunch with them in their schools. They’re wonderful, they’re sweet, they’re innocent, but they’re also the victims of illiterate households and neglectful parents. What a shameful waste.

There are also a few kids I haven’t met but whose stories I’ve heard secondhand, kids whose parents were too illiterate to spell their children’s names for the birth certificates. Kids like Ferdy, whose name is pronounced “Fred.” There’s also a girl whose teacher became frustrated because she never responded when the teacher called her name. When the teacher called the girl’s parents, a conversation something like this ensued:

“Just this morning in class, I called your daughter’s name, ‘Lah. Lah.’ And she just ignored me.”

“That’s because her name is Ladasha.”

“How is that so? It’s spelled, ‘La-a.’ L-A-dash-A.”

“The dash be not silent.”

True story.

How can you not blame the parents for this? This isn’t solely the fault of the school system. It can’t be.

The in loco parentis of No Child Left Behind isn’t going to cure our ills. Indeed, if your Congressman spent just half an hour chatting with a public school teacher about the fallacies of No Child Left Behind, I believe he would move to repeal the law the next day.

No, the problem is parents who don’t take an interest in their child. My nephew Dorian is proof that committed and loving parents can make the difference — that through literacy a child can be given the tools to explore every other branch of learning. Congress should reallocate the money spent on standards-based learning to remedial parenting programs.

Yeah, right. A surefire way to ensure your legislative idea never gets passed is to infuse it with common sense. This one ranks right up there with our government committing to debt reduction. Keep dreaming, Matt.

In the meantime, my hat goes off to Dorian. I’m looking forward to the day, which will no doubt be soon, when he can read something I’ve written.


Just-born baby FAQs

Monday, August 17th, 2009
Deena, Owen (1 week old), and me
Deena, Owen (1 week old), and me

After many years of planning, a new chapter has begun in my life. Hopefully it will be a long one.

Remember the unborn baby FAQs? The just-born baby FAQs have now begun.

1. Why did you name him Owen Edward Warner?

Owen is a name we both like and about which we have no negative associations. This is no small feat when starting your family in your thirties. Owen is also the name of my maternal grand-uncle, and Edward is my maternal grandfather’s middle name.

2. How much did he weigh?

7 pounds, 11 ounces.

3. What day was he born?

On a Saturday.

4. How’s mom doing?

My mom is doing fine. She’s very excited and wants to know when Owen will come visit.

Oh, Deena’s doing fine, too. At the moment, she’s napping.

5. How long was Deena in labor?

Well, she’s officially been on maternity leave since August 1, so she hasn’t been doing any labor this month. For this, she is very grateful.

6. When are you going to post more pictures?

In all seriousness, I’m not sure how many pictures of Owen I’m going to post on this website. I’m in this weird place between being a proud father and a protective father. There are certain people in the world who don’t deserve the privilege of seeing my son’s face. What we’ve done, however, is to create a private, password-protected website for friends and family members for sharing lots of pictures and videos. We’re also posting some choice photos for our Facebook friends. But that’s it.

I will say, though, that being a new father has felt like moving to a new town and starting a new job while still maintaining the old job and having to commute back to the old house. Deena says she feels the same way except that she also feels like her arms and legs have been cut off. In other words, the shock of new responsibility has been tremendous — but we’re also very happy and very much in love with our little boy.


BBC’s “Being Human”

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

It sounds like the setup to a joke: a werewolf, a vampire, and a ghost all move in together . . .

Except, it’s really the pitch to a new BBC television series, Being Human. And what’s more, it’s not a comedy. It’s a down-and-dirty urban fantasy that’s quite dark — and quite welcome. Deena and I stumbled across it a couple weeks ago while cruising through the free on-demand offerings of our cable TV provider. (Readers take note: yes, I actually just paid a compliment to Comcast. It won’t happen again, I promise.)

Mitchell is a rockstar-looking vampire who dates back to WW1. He’s made a momentous decision: no longer will he prey upon humans. Except he’s having a hard time fighting his impulses, and, in a bit of poetic justice, is being stalked by the woman he recently turned into a vampire. The local vampire population, headed by a creepy police officer with a thing for hot chocolate, wants to recruit Mitchell into a brewing conspiracy against the humans.

George is an emotional, dorky werewolf. He and Mitchell both work as low-level nurses at the hospital. And like Mitchell, he was turned into a supernatural creature against his will and isn’t too comfortable in his own skin. His biggest problem, as far as I can tell from the first two episodes, is finding a decent place to transform during the full moon. Doing it at home tends to break all the furniture.

And finally, recently deceased Annie has found herself in a world where no one can see or hear her, and where she’s doomed to spend eternity wearing the same ugly gray sweater. She’s insecure and still pines after her old boyfriend. However, now that she’s found she can interact with the physical world, she compulsively makes cups of tea for her roommates.

Yes, I said roommates. You see, these three characters have all decided to move in together into Annie’s old townhouse. (Mitchell and George can see the ghost.) Post-move is where we find ourselves in episode #1. Apparently, an unaired pilot episode with different actors explains how they wound up in this situation.

In its first two episodes, Being Human suffers from a bit of first-draftitis, mainly in its inability to establish clear, understandable rules for its supernatural world. Vampires can walk in daylight, but there’s still some stray dialogue that confuses the issue. The ghost can’t be seen by anyone except for other supernaturals, and, for some reason, the pizza delivery boy. Things like that. But what’s important, the characters and their “humanity,” have been well established in an interesting and compelling way.

It’s worth watching. I’ll be looking forward to this weekend, when the next episode will air on BBC America . . . and then right after that, I’ll tune into HBO for that other addictive urban fantasy series, True Blood.

Yes, I sure am carelessly throwing that “urban fantasy” term around, aren’t I? Tor just released an interesting press release about this sub-genre that raises as many questions as it answers. But I’m starting to get a feel for the landscape. Right now I’m plowing through Carrie Vaughn’s excellent series about a werewolf who hosts a late-night call-in radio program for the supernatural population. The first novel is Kitty and the Midnight Hour and was a fast, enjoyable read.


The Unborn Miscarries

Saturday, August 1st, 2009

Deena’s official due date is tomorrow, so it’s kind of a horror enthusiast’s requirement that we spent tonight viewing The Unborn. It’s a horror movie about a woman haunted by her twin, who died while they were in utero.

*Spoilers ahead*

This movie started off well with good acting, cinematography, and soundtrack. It also had some neat scenes with ghost hauntings, like when the main character wakes up (in a dream, of course) to find herself pinned to her ceiling as she watches her ghost brother assault a mirror image of herself by ripping a big hole in her uterus and thrusting his hands into it. It did become a little tiresome, however, when the sound level tripled during the monster-jump-out-at-you moments. Also, some of the “red shirt” characters became predictable, meaning it was perfectly obvious when someone was going to get killed.

But I can forgive little flaws like this. The unforgivable sin is when a story just stops making any fucking sense. Here are Deena’s and my questions. Anyone who has seen this movie, would you please enlighten us with the answers:

1. If the dybbuk can possess anyone he wants, and if possession is his goal, then why does he even bother with terrorizing Casey?

2. Since it is proven he can possess anyone he wants, why not just possess her unborn baby . . . the end?

3. Where the hell is her father during all this when everyone is dropping like flies around her?

4. When the dybbuk possesses the pastor, why does the pastor want so badly to kill the boyfriend and her? Likewise, when the dybbuk later possesses the boyfriend, why does he want to kill Casey? If it is his goal is to possess her unborn babies, then he shouldn’t want any harm to come to her.

5. How did the exorcism finally work when it clearly didn’t have any effect at the beginning and when they skipped the whole middle of the ritual?

6. How on Earth could having a twin who died when she was in utero suddenly cause Casey’s eye color to change when she is an adult? Her doctor acted like this was a perfectly normal thing — and for some unexplained reason acted like it was a threat to her health — so obviously the sudden eye color change did not have a supernatural cause.

And finally, 7., Are we the only people who think that the actress’s resemblance to Jennifer Connelly must have played a role in her getting this part? And, goddammit, why utilize Gary Oldman if he’s only going to be a minor character? I mean, Jesus Christ, give him his wand back or something.