Tag Archives: BJJ

Video of Me Doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

September 28, 2015

Video of my BJJ championship match in the no-gi, over-30 tournament division on Saturday. My opponent is a talented martial artist at my school who normally kicks my ass on a regular basis, so this match made my day.

BJJ is a great sport and martial art that I’ve gone on about at length. Follow the tag archive. Feel free to contact me with any questions about it.

10,000 Hours, More or Less

September 15, 2015

This is so inspiring:


74 Year old earns his BJJ black belt. Technique demonstrated: kimura joint lock from guard. Click to watch.

In a nutshell: James Terlecki, 74 years old, just earned his black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. He started it when he was 61. Thirteen years to a black belt is a normal time range in this martial art.

It’s inspiring because it gives me confidence I’ll get there one day, too. I started shortly before my 40th birthday, and it’s one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. I’ve often felt it’s been more difficult for me than for others on account of my age.

Malcolm Gladwell famously wrote that it takes 10,000 hours to achieve mastery in something. In the time since his book came out with this claim, he has said this doesn’t necessarily apply to sports, which may rely more on genetics, and psychologists have disputed the figure as being over-inflated. I think it’s safe to say, however, that after that much practice, you’ll have achieved something in the endeavor.

I calculate that since I began BJJ in February 2013, I’ve invested between 400-500 hours in training. Right now, it feels like 10,000 hours until mastery — or at least until a black belt — is about right.

I’ve spent considerably more time in the pursuit of the writing craft. Have I spent 10,000 hours there? Hell, I don’t know; maybe. Am I a master at it? Certainly not, but because it’s my life’s work, I know more than the average bear. Maybe by the time I’m 74, I’ll have something worthy to show for my time. That’ll be 32 years down the road.

The way I figure it, I’ll be 74 one day no matter what (and hopefully still alive), so I might as well go for it.

In the meantime, congratulations to James Terlecki. I think most of us want to be you one day.

On Mentoring and Staying Humble

July 1, 2015

BJJ red belt Mark Twain takes on a mentee.

BJJ red belt Mark Twain takes on a mentee.

Made two choices in the past week — three, if you count my new commitment only to write in sentence fragments.

(Okay, two. Although I have a new love for sentence fragments.)

The first is to sign on as an official mentor in the Horror Writers Association. I’ve been paired with a beginning writer, whom I’ll advise for the next year.

The second is to return to the Borderlands Boot Camp for Writers in 2016 as a student/grunt. The last time I attended as a paying student was 2005. I’ve returned several times since then as a guest “dramatic reader” for Sunday writing exercises.


I’ve been submitting for professional publication now for 25 years. Does that make me qualified to hold forth to my HWA mentee, who is eight years older than me? If yes, then why return to a workshop conference normally populated with writers who’ve only had a few years of professional experience?

Oddly, you might say, I credit my newfound passion for the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu martial art with guiding me through this. In BJJ, there’s an unstated distinction between talent and experience. Talent is that thing you bring to the mat: it’s inborn, you have no control over it. You might genetically be a jiu-jiteiro genius, and you might not. But whatever talent you have won’t emerge without experience. Experience is signified through the belt-rank system. White belts are still learning their basic skills. Blue belts have learned the basics. Purple, brown, black, and the legendary red belts have progressively customized those skills to themselves as individual artists.

I now look at the writing craft the same way. I don’t necessarily have more talent than the guy composing his first short story. He might have more. But what I do have is experience. He’s a white or blue belt, and by virtue of how I’ve spent my time, I’m a black belt. That’s what gives a black belt its color, after all: the grime of work.

With this metaphor in mind, I return to the writing craft with a more humble and generous mindset. As an HWA mentor and an informal mentor to some other friends and family members, I understand these writers may have just as much or more talent than I do. But I still have things I can show them. Paradoxically, this means I teach myself; it’s a truism that you don’t learn a skill until you teach it. It’s only at that point that you examine what you do and why you do it that way. I’m also helping others because I have mentors like Thomas Monteleone, who runs the Borderlands Boot Camp. As he’s told me, he has had mentors, too, and now he feels an obligation to give back.

As for returning to the Boot Camp as a paid participant, I equate it to the fun prospect of attending a particularly good black belt seminar hosted by Leo Dalla. This is a chance to study with writers who’ve earned their fourth- and fifth-degree black belts, so to speak, who’ve been around much longer than I have, and who can help me refine my skills. Even people who’ve been at it 25 years have something to learn. And along the way, I’ll benefit from that teaching-to-teach-myself blowback effect mentioned above. I’m doing it because I love the writing craft, and I can think of few weekends more pleasurable than sitting around analyzing plot and character development with like-minded folks.

Why am I doing these things? Because I finally have the right perspective on who I am and where I am.

Now if I can just land that literary agent.

Jiu Jitsu Toddler

April 11, 2015

"Jiu Jitsu Toddler at age 42" at Valley Jiu Jitsu

“Jiu Jitsu Toddler at age 42” at Valley Jiu Jitsu

My martial arts school, Valley Jiu Jitsu, has published my article, “Jiu Jitsu Toddler at age 42.” It’s about the benefits and challenges of studying the “gentle art” of submission grappling at a relatively older age.

Study Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

January 31, 2015

This video of an actual fight is making the rounds about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. (Warning: lotsa strong language)

Click here to watch

These guys are complete, boneheaded morons for allowing this to escalate into a fight. I don’t commend this as a illustration of maturity or common sense. HOWEVER, it’s a prime example of BJJ’s applicability to self defense. I’ve studied karate, Tae Kwon Do, and now I’m studying BJJ, and I think it’s truly the best. (You can skip the machismo and go directly to the fight at about 1:15.)

I’ve had people tell me, “I’m too old to do that.” Baloney. I turn 42 in two months, and I’m not too old. I’ve also met people pushing 70 doing this, and they’re not too old. Others have protested this is only for men or boys. That’s also baloney. We have a 100-pound female in my class, and in another six months, I have no doubt she’ll kick my ass. Others have told me, “I’ll just run away.” Yes, I agree that’s a great strategy, but what if you’re cornered and can’t run away? What if there’s a child or some other loved one who can’t run with you? And others have told me, “I’ll just kick/punch him in the nuts/throat/eyes.” Also a valid strategy, but as you’ll see here, that’s not always an option, either. Only about three punches were exchanged in this tussle. The rest was about control and talk-down.

If anyone near Staunton wants info on our local BJJ school (I *promise* we’re more mature than these two f’ing idiots), send me an IM. If you’re out of the area, open your phone book to find a school. Invest in yourself and your family by doing this.

End of rant!

Practice Makes Perfect

October 9, 2014

Me playing at a Christmas party last year.

Me playing at a Christmas party last year.

As my family and friends know, three art forms consume my life. The first, the main subject of this website, is writing. The second, which I’ve practiced on and off since age 6, is the piano, particularly classical music performance. And since age 22, it’s been martial arts, on and off.

“On and off” is the key phrase here. It’s so damn hard to keep one’s life balanced, especially when there are all-consuming responsibilities like working a job and raising a family. (And washing the dishes. Some nights, it takes me a half hour. I’ve learned to wear rubber gloves.)

Lately, I’ve discovered — or rediscovered — a truism about getting better at anything. It’s so trite that it’s laughable. But it’s also comforting to learn, once again, that practice makes perfect.

This month, with both my children finally in school, I started practicing the piano again regularly after a nearly 20-year hiatus. Oh, it’s not like I ever gave it up completely. I’ve always held onto my Steinway studio upgright and religiously had it tuned every six months. And I’ve occasionally played music gigs and performed at parties. But not since college have I made a commitment to sit down every day to do something as mundane as practice scales or patiently learn the subtleties of a Mozart sonata.

Mozart’s piano sonata in G major (K. 189h) has been my project lately. Like many of his compositions, it’s a deceptively simple suite of three movements that rarely layers on more than two voices. My edition, edited by Richard Epstein in 1918, makes sparing use of the pedal and allows Mozart’s charm and elegance to shine through.

If only the composer were here to play it. I have an unsubtle set of knobby fingers with hair on the knuckles. It’s hard not to imagine him sitting in my living room, wincing and shaking his head at my attempts to give voice to his creation.

Fat Bastard. Now imagine him playing the piano.

Almost every weekday morning for the past month, I’ve practiced for a half hour before work. I usually do it after working out, which means that, even if I’ve showered and changed clothes, I’m sweating and kind of looking like Mike Myers’s Fat Bastard as I sit there (shirtless, to cool off), dripping onto my piano bench.

I start with scales and arpeggios, all the major and minor keys from C to F.  On alternate days, I try to do F up to B.  While a piano minor, I was required to practice both hands in parallel (up and down the keyboard together) and in opposition (hands moving in opposite directions).  I haven’t recovered the oppositional skills yet, let alone recovered all the scales.  I’m thinking if I chop my ring fingers off, I’ll be able to perfect B-flat minor.

This morning, a funny thing happened.  After a month of working on the G major sonata, I returned to the first movement of the F major sonata (K. 300k).  That’s the first sonata I ever learned with my old teacher Christopher Johnston, when I started with him in the seventh grade.  It’s a fun piece with dark colors and sforzando chords that stomp on you when you least expect them.

I’ve had years to learn bad habits with that one. It’s so much fun to play that I usually slop through the piece, not correcting my errors.  (Hell, who has time to rework a fingering when you only have five minutes to play before a toddler walks up and wants to bang the keys?)  But this morning, it suddenly sounded different.  Better.  I wasn’t sure why; it wasn’t like I’d been practicing it.  It took a few minutes of talking to myself to figure it out.  (I often talk to myself.  You wouldn’t want to watch me write.)

The first difference was that I played the piece slower.  It gave me time to pay attention to where my sausages landed.  And that meant I was being more precise.  Mozart music is, if nothing else, precision-driven.  I was also more concerned with my phrases and with the crispness of my rests.  Whereas before I’d always relied on the sustain pedal to smooth over my lousy transitions, this morning I thought what the hell and tried playing it with almost no pedal at all.

In short, I was using all the same habits I’d used over the past month to learn the other sonata.  And the result was it sounded at least twice as better.

Practice.  It makes all the difference.  I’m noticing similar results in my jiu-jitsu and with my fiction writing.

Now the only riddle to solve is how to keep my perspiration from discoloring the wood.


The Positivity Challenge

September 18, 2014

Here’s my version of the “positivity challenge” — you know, that annoying meme going around Facebook where you’re challenged to list five things that make you happy.

Yeah, right. Me, happy?

Actually, I feel motivated to say something positive here. I just scrolled through my blog and noticed my last three entries are all surly and stuff. And my last one about the persecuted novelist may have jumped the gun; he might be the subject of a routine “involuntary commitment” to a mental hospital for reasons other than his writing, not that we’ll ever know for sure because of HIPAA.

Wouldn’t want to give you the wrong impression about me. So here goes:

  1. Thomas is potty trained and having a terrific first year in preschool. We all contracted the obligatory start-of-the-year crud but quickly got over it.
  2. Owen’s start of kindergarten is going equally well. Every day, he draws demented pictures on his easel, leading me to believe he’ll one day be a great comic book artist. Demons, monsters, blood, all the usual stuff. That’s my boy.
  3. I began a new novel in May and am on track to finish it very soon. That’s some lightning-quick writing for me. Oh, and it’s a contemporary fantasy story, not horror. (Not that I don’t still like horror, but . . . oh, never mind.)
  4. I read a few good books this summer: The Man Who Folded Himself, On a Pale Horse, B.V. Larson’s entire Mech series, and Reza Aslan’s excellent, excellent Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth. (I also filled up my Kindle’s “Bored Now” collection with a few dozen stinkers, but this is a positivity list.)
  5. Deena and I are still kicking ass and taking names with our home business. I would love to brag about who we’re working with right now, but brag is one letter off from bag, and you don’t want to see my bag.

And just because I’m an over achiever, I’ll add one more:

  1. I’ve maintained my healthier weight of 173-175ish and am managing some type of exercise six days a week, my favorites being boxing and Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I still suck at both but am having a good time.

So, there you go. Now resuming our normal, grumpy man programming. . . .

Ukazoo Who?

January 24, 2014

Interesting strange name for a bookstore. I must get to the bottom of the word “Ukazoo” when I’m there tomorrow. Here are the details:

Where & When:
Saturday, January 25, 2014 @ 1–3 p.m.
Ukazoo Books
730 Dulaney Valley Road
Towson, MD 21204


Meet Matthew Warner and Deena Warner, author and illustrator respectively of THE SEVENTH EQUINOX, the new urban fantasy novel from Raw Dog Screaming Press.

Wait a minute. They have the same last name. That can’t be a coincidence. It’s a conspiracy, but . . . no, this isn’t that kind of book. It’s set in the Shenandoah Valley, and it’s about a young divorcee who moves into a Victorian house, and she finds a demigod living in the caverns connected to her root cellar, and —

What’s that you say? Towson, MD, isn’t anywhere near the Shenandoah Valley, VA? Then what are these people doing so far from home? Conspiracy! It’s . . .

A chance to eat chocolate chip cookies and buy a book. Yep.

Yes, I wrote that myself, as you can probably tell. Let me know if you’re coming by joining the Facebook event page about it.

After the signing, Deena and I will amble over to the ninth annual Borderlands Boot Camp for Writers, where we hope to visit with Tom Monteleone, F. Paul Wilson, and this year’s grunts. I attended the first boot camp in 2005 and had a great time. (Feel free to read my Hellnotes Newsletter article about it.) On Sunday morning, I’ll be the guest performer of the short stories the grunts will have written that weekend — meaning that I’ll be doing anonymous, cold reads of the manuscripts (aloud) to facilitate a critiquing free-for-all. Hearing someone interpret your story in a dramatic reading is a great way to develop your writing; does my words’ inflection come through properly on paper? Always a lot of fun.

I hope my voice will be back at full strength by then. Last weekend, I drilled the “throat crusher” choke too many times in jiu-jitsu class and developed a wicked case of laryngitis as a result. I never would have guessed that being choked could do that to you. Good reference for a future story.

Last night, I was the guest of a private book club, which met at a cozy house here in Staunton. We spent a lot of time discussing the writing process — but it was strange at one point to hear the ladies discussing The Seventh Equinox as if I wasn’t there, making conjectures about character histories and talking about whether they liked a particular character. It was a bit like being at the Borderlands Boot Camp, in a way. Strange, sure, but a rare privilege.

Obligatory Annoying Year-End Wrap Up

January 6, 2014

Do you know those holiday newsletters you receive from relatives, printed on pink and red paper, that go on and on about trips taken during the year? Yeah, this is like one of those, so I’ll keep it to a mere ten rambles. In 2013:

  1. I wrote a feature-length screenplay on spec, just for the hell of it. I’m submitting it, of course, but I’m not sure anyone is interested in producing a film mostly shot in timelapse. (But, could you be the one?)
  2. I also finished a movie novelization for a small Virginia film studio. No publication date set yet.
  3. And I put together a short story collection that I’m beginning to submit to publishers.  85,000 words of previously published fiction, collected from here and there, a surprisingly large number.
  4. I saw my first urban fantasy novel hit the shelves. My publisher and I did a ton of local advertising, including (new for me) venues such as on-screen advertising in movie theaters and a holiday display at the park. I’ve had two successful book signings in the area and this month will be the guest of a book club.
  5. But have I yet converted my writer’s royalties into a yacht or something? Ha, yeah, moving on.
  6. The biggest change for me was to slim down to 173 pounds from a high of 198 and to join a Brazilian jiu-jitsu school, where I’ve earned the first stripe on a white belt. (I can expect to remain a white belt for the next few years.)  It’s been a great outlet, but I’m paying the price a bit; my chiropractor this morning told me I cracked at least one rib, which has calloused over in a weird way. But I’m hoping the new knots on my ribs will actually prove to be miniature arc reactors capable of sustaining powered flight. Ha ha, you just wait until I have the last laugh. Next up at my martial arts school for me is boxing.  I’m sure that won’t result in any injuries at all.
  7. Our oldest son had some temporary behavior problems this summer that we were worried could be the sign of something more serious, so we had him evaluated.  An intelligence test soon revealed the gravity of our 4-year-old’s problem: Owen has an IQ of 152.  “In non-statistical terms,” the report reads, “only one in approximately 1700 of Owen’s peers would be expected to have an IQ at this level.”  So, basically, we’re just eight points shy of raising a certified genius.  I think we’re in deep shit.
  8. Yeah, this is actually happy stuff.  I warned you.
  9. Our younger son is pretty bright, too.  The other day, he sat still at the dining room table playing with Play Doh for over two hours, just as happy as a clam.  I couldn’t convince him to get up and run around like, you know, other 2-year-olds.  This isn’t an everyday occurence, so he’s not freak or anything, but Jesus Christ.  I wouldn’t be surprised to walk into his room one day to discover him assembling Lego castles with only the power of his thoughts.  Next up for Thomas is potty training.  Yeah, did I mention we’re in deep shit?
  10. Deena and I are looking forward to having both children in preschool this fall, which means we hope to be able to work at the same time.  On our last anniversary, we took our first adults-only overnight trip in over four years, an experience we plan to repeat soon.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel. . . .

This year, I hope to have more of the same.  Best wishes for happy developments in your neck of the woods!


Who Wants To Live Forever

July 5, 2013

This post is brought to you by Queen, because, as we all know, if you exercise a lot and eat right, you’ll never die.

What, you don’t believe me?

I’m not sure why I’m exercising my brains out this year. Maybe it’s my mid-life crisis. But one thing’s for certain: I’ve lost 10 pounds since March and have learned how to perform a guillotine choke. That has to count for something.

Still with me? Here’s my exercise regimen.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
No, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu has nothing to do with performing a bikini wax on a kitchen knife.

Earlier this year, writer Joe Lansdale posted this video demonstrating the martial art he has created during 50 years of practice. It reawakened my craving to get back into some kind of fighting art. I hadn’t done much since putting karate and Tae Kwon Do on hold ten years ago. I also wanted/want to lay the groundwork for indocrinating my boys into martial arts since I consider it one of the three essential life survival skills.  (The other two are swimming and reading/writing.)

There’s a karate school and BJJ school here in Staunton, so I asked for advice on which to join.  Prizefighting champion and writer Wrath James White said I should pursue BJJ, saying that someone proficient at it can pretty much hold his own against any other form.  The many exhibition videos I’ve watched since then seem to confirm this. Check out this one, with thanks again to Queen:

This is the hardest sport I’ve ever done.  The other martial arts didn’t prepare me for it.  The closest thing I’ve done to it was two years of high school wrestling.  Within my first four months, I’ve hyperextended both elbows and both pinkie toes, suffered sore throats from being choked, abraded the tops of my feet, and come home with finger tip-shaped bruises on my arms and legs.  As I type this, I can barely curl my left pointer finger.

And I think I love it.  So far, just about the only people I can sometimes beat during sparring (called “rolling” in this sport) are those against whom I have an unfair advantage, such as girls I outweigh by 50 pounds, 12 year olds, and brand-new students.  But I have to start somewhere.

The place where I’m studying is a great school.  Everyone’s eager to help out and teach each other, and there’s an utter absence of ego, which is saying something.  It’s not a mill that’s eager to soak you for money by having lots of belt-rank tests, and the monthly fees are low.

There’s only five belt ranks between white and black in this sport, and I can expect to be a white belt for the first four years.  Add another ten years beyond that to earn a black.  But I’m okay with it.  By then, I’ll know I’ve truly earned it.

This is a strange type of weight lifting, but it’s cheap and doesn’t take up any space. It only involves two sledgehammers.

That’s right. Sledgehammers.

Writer Will Ludwigsen alerted me to it a few years ago by linking to the shovelglove website. It essentially involves wrapping a sledgehammer in a towel to protect your walls against accidents (the “glove”) and swinging it around to mimic manual labor.

I started with the suggested exercises and started adding my own. (I’ve given up on trying to attach a towel to the hammers.)  By now, I have 20 exercises I can rip through in about 20 minutes if I limit them to 10-20 reps each. Imagine using 1-2 sledgehammers to mime the following:

  1. Churning butter
  2. Shoveling
  3. Raking
  4. Chopping wood
  5. Driving fence posts
  6. Flip the lever (curls)
  7. Hoist the sack (triceps)
  8. Hoist water buckets (2-arm)
  9. Canoeing
  10. Rowing
  11. Tuck hay bales / side jab
  12. Bell ringing (front & side)
  13. Whack a mole
  14. Breast stroke (2-arm)
  15. Sword blocking
  16. Flag waving
  17. Apple toss
  18. Turn the rotor
  19. Hoist the rifle (shoulder press)
  20. Hoist the rifle rotation

In a future post, maybe I’ll embarrass myself by demonstrating these in a series of Youtube videos.

Since joining the jiu-jitsu school, I’ve added some everyday abdominal exercises to these as well.  But I guarantee this is a tiring arm workout that makes you feel all manly and stuff.

I wonder why some people call it “jogging” while others call it “running.” Hmm.

In any case, my neighborhood is great for this since it has a variety of circular routes that I can vary according to my mood and available time.

I have ambitions one day to compete in something insane like an Iron Man, so I’ve dipped my toe into the competitive waters by running a couple 5Ks (3.1 miles) at the nearby park. In October, my time was 33:16, and yesterday morning was 29:16.

To put that in perspective, the winners in my age division did it in about 17 to 20 minutes. People pushing baby strollers and limping runners passed me. What this means is that I need to put on stage makeup next time and lie about my age to get into the over-66 division. Still, I shaved off 4 minutes without doing anything special other than wearing out my first pair of running shoes.

And You’re Thinking . . .
“Fine. More shit I can’t do because I don’t have time.”

Doing this stuff indeed is a time commitment. But I’m probably not spending as long on it as you think. With the help of a supportive spouse, here’s my current schedule:

  • Monday night: BJJ class (2 hrs)
  • Tuesday morning: shug or jog (30 mins)
  • Wednesday night: BJJ class (2 hrs)
  • Thursday morning: shug or jog (30 mins)
  • Friday: “good lord, did I just work out four days in a row?”
  • Saturday morning: BJJ class (2 hrs) if I’m feeling really ambitious

Then there’s diet.  Am I doing anything special?  Not really.  But I have cut out all sodas and am trying to limit myself to just one caffeinated drink (in the morning) and one alcoholic drink (at night) per day unless I’m visiting Nanci Kalanta‘s house, in which case Deena has to drive me home.

I’ve also eliminated most sweets, and I usually resist the monstrous craving I get for carbs every night between 9:30 and 10:00 (and what the fuck is that all about, anyway?).

My preferred alcoholic drinks now are manhattans, thanks to the tutelage of writer Thomas F. Monteleone.  Before that, I drank 1-2 beers a day.  Just making that switch took 5-8 pounds off me.  No shit.

The weird part about all this is that it has a cumulative effect.  The more I exercise and try to eat right, the more I want to do it.  I’m pushing myself more during jogging and strength training.  It’s hurting my stomach now to stuff myself at meals, so I don’t.

I think I’m gonna go listen to that Queen song again. . . .