Matthew Warner

It’s in the Stars

With baby Warner due any day now, Deena and I get a kick out of reading the daily horoscope for Leo. Here’s what today’s paper has for him:

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Ever busy perfecting your image, you’ll be delighted by a product that delivers as promised. You strike upon just the thing that works to make you look and feel more attractive.

If you read the corresponding 38-week pregnancy calendar and its comment that “Baby’s lungs continue to mature and her brain and nerve function are working better every day,” the remark about “perfecting your image” takes on an all new meaning. I also like the “product that delivers as promised” bit.

Even funnier is today’s reading for Aries, which is both Deena’s and my sign:

ARIES (March 21-April 19). If you’re looking for someone who will love and appreciate you, you don’t have to look far. You’ll get plenty of props and attention from your friends and loved ones, especially a Leo.

Every day’s horoscope page has been like that lately: stuff about Leo preparing for a big event or about being a drama queen, and corresponding apropos Aries readings.

Today we go to the doctor for yet another sonogram, then to the fire department to have the torture devices installed in the cars. Then the name of the game is to wait, hold our breaths, and/or to breathe slowly and steadily.