Tag Archives: yearly report card

Everyday fears

January 11, 2010

The New Years season is a time of optimism and renewal, but I have to confess these days to having a small host of anxieties.  I mean, they aren’t eating me up or anything, but these little, everyday things often preoccupy me:

  • Is my son, Owen, warm enough at night?  Is he getting enough to eat?
  • What if something happened to me or Deena, and he was left without a father or mother?
  • One day Owen will have a driver’s license, and then I’ll be worried about him dying in a car accident.  (And why am I worrying about stuff like this before it’s time?)
  • Owen’s head is still big and fragile, and I just know I’m going to accidentally brain him on a door frame one day.
  • What if the U.S. government defaults on its debt and goes belly up?
  • Will I stay healthy and live to an old age?
  • Will Owen be able to protect himself from all the screwballs of the world?
  • Will the publishing industry ever resume taking chances on midlist writers?

And, of course, my number-one preoccupation:

  • Will the News Leader ever become a good newspaper?

I would much rather have anxieties concerning the meaning of existence.  (Will Ludwigsen has an entertaining blog post today about cosmic horror that’s worth reading.)

I guess this is all part and parcel of being a new father.  In the meantime, all I can do is prepare the best I can: buy insurance, exercise, save money, and enroll the boy in a decent martial arts program once he’s old enough.

Getting old

March 23, 2007

[copied from my old Myspace blog]

Damn–it’s amazing, but in three days, I’ll be 34-years-old.  Like, before the advent of medicine, this used to be the end of the useful human lifespan, didn’t it?  And here I am feeling like I’m just getting started in some ways.

And yet, I’m starting to notice some changes.  I can’t physically do everything I did at 18, for instance.  I also have to watch what I eat now.  I’m also finding out weird things about myself, such as that if I drink too many caffeinated beverages, that the ole plumbing starts to–

Okay, sorry.  Won’t go there.    But you get my point.  I ain’t gonna live forever.

Damn.

My friend Will Ludwigsen has an interesting solution to the problem of approaching-middle-age paunchiness, one that I’m thinking about trying out.  Now just to buy a sledgehammer and an egg timer.

Age has its benefits, though.  One is that I finally have enough years behind me that I have a past.  Highschool (class of ’91) seems like another lifetime, and my first post-college job is just a bad memory–a distant one, at that.  Even the sting of my parents’ divorce is finally fading a bit.

Having more years also provides another benefit, and that’s the continued opportunity to make new memories, new sources of happiness.  My March column at Horror World (which will likely be at this link after 4/1/07) is one such memory.  It’s about the day I met my future mother-in-law and how she immediately threw me to the wolves, cleverly disguised as a class of third graders.  Everything having to do with my wife, of course, is a source of happiness–and how great is it to be old and confident enough to state, and mean it when you say it, that you love your spouse without reservation?

The future is going to hold other opportunities, and some of them will concern writing.  I’ve decided I’m not always going to be just a horror writer.  In fact, when I’m done with this blog I’m deleting the word “horror” from my Myspace handle.  There’s lots of reasons for this, but the main one is that I’m going to follow the readers by writing what they want to read, and horror, as much as I love the genre, is on shaky ground as a marketing category.  Apart from that, I’m sick and tired of the egotism of some of my peers, and I’d like to find out if the grass is greener in other places.